On Friday I did something I honestly would’ve never believed myself doing. I signed up for my first ever race and I’m psyched for it! It’s going to be the 88th annual Kaisaniemi Run in Helsinki and it’s held on Sunday, September 2nd. That means I’ve pretty accurately got four weeks to reach 5k. I just came back from this week’s third and final run and I totally overcame myself today. There’s this gravel trail 5 minutes from us and I’ve gone there twice this week. I just became completely sick and tired of just going out the door and running our ’’private’’ 1,4km road up and down so I decided to look into our local trails. This trail I discovered has a 1,7 km and a 3,2 km option as well as numerous unmarked forest paths. I did the 3,2k on Friday and I had to walk almost 40% of the way because the inclines and declines totally got me by surprise. I wasn’t really satisfied at all with that result but hey, the hills are super steep and there are pretty much no flat parts to it.
Anyhow, today I actually ran the whole entire thing. I didn’t have a timer on me so I’ve no idea how long it took. I would’ve never thought that I could actually do it but I ended up running just behind this big-ish 30 something guy who was clearly putting in a 110% effort and I just couldn’t let him get away from me 😀 Ridiculous, I know, but never have I realized before what a psychological effect something like that can have on one’s performance! At some points I felt ridiculously tired but then I just checked my form, my cadence, breathing, arms, footstrike and almost zoned out staring at this guy’s back and breathing in and out and moving my legs. Before I knew it, I was completely fresh again and breathing through my nose almost as if I was resting. It was amazing. All I’ve ever associated with running (even minimal distances like 100m or so…) is the feeling when my heart is coming out of my chest, I can’t breathe and feel like I’m drowning. It’s not so much about my legs getting tired or something, my impossible obstacle has always been my breathing. I know 3k is a really short distance but I refuse to compare myself to others in this. I’ve done enough of that throughout my life and a big reason of why I’ve started this ’’new’’ lifestyle journey is that I want to start from zero. Something completely new, something I’ve never done before and make it an ’’outlet’’ where I’m a different person entirely from my ’’other’’ self.
I’m often excruciatingly insecure about literally everything I do. That’s pretty much my core motivation. To find something where I get to start new and be exactly the secure and strong person I’m really not in anything else I do. With time, I hope this new mindset will spread into my other encounters like my horse riding and studying as well as my self- image in general. I often struggle enormously to see anything good in myself, like literally anything. I sometimes see myself as a stupid, lazy, unmotivated moocher whose going absolutely nowhere in life (none of that’s true but when are insecurities rational anyways?) and so far, it honestly feels great that I’ve done something in my own power to change my life.
The reason why I’m telling all of this is just because I intentionally want to make the personal part of FRONT RUNNER actually be as accurate a depiction of my journey as I can. I want you people that stumble here to feel that ’’yours truly’’ is an actual, genuine person and not some poser who’s just trying to make their life seem perfect compared to everyone else’s. By doing so I want to make FRONT RUNNER something that real people can relate to and that offers a (sometimes brutally) realistic take on what it means to begin from zero and get on from there.
As for my current idea of what direction I want to take my fitness journey in, I have been thinking about it during the past week or so. I’m pretty sure that as far as running goes, I’m going to focus on runs no longer than 5k for now. Who knows where I’m at with this in two months or half a year. The reason for this is that I also want to look into another keen interest of mine, growing muscles. Since I’m not interested in actual body building in the slightest bit, I’m thinking something that combines running (especially trails and in the wilderness) and resistance training. Maybe I’ll become a CrossFit junkie, who knows? 😀 No but seriously, I’m going to have to explore to find what I actually want to do. But 5k is the limit for now since it’s really kinda counterproductive to try to grow muscle mass and be an endurance runner in the same time. Hope you liked this kind of rambling personal post after a couple article- type posts 🙂